Back from Hell!!

I am going to try to make this as quick as possible. Obviously my 1st IVF cycle was a failure, I got the news of my negative beta on Nov 7th. I was devastated and cried every day for almost a month. Well my RE scheduled me to have a laparoscopy done on Dec 7th to see if there was something they missed on my HSG, that would of caused my cycle to fail. So I went in for my lap last Tuesday thinking they would remove some scar tissue and that would be it, woke up to find out I had to have both of my tubes removed. I was pretty upset at first but they were both blocked and hydrosalpinx (fluid filled) so they had to remove them. I obviously will never conceive naturally but thank goodness for IVF! Some good news came from this my RE offered to pay almost half towards a full fresh cycle in Feb!!!!! So I am pretty stoked about that, I will be back to start my BC pills in January and be transferring in Feb!!!! Miracles do come true and I think this may be the 1st of many miracles to come for 2008!!!

Dreaded 2ww

Well I have decide not to update my blog for a while because I have been feeling very doomed.
This 2 week wait is the worst part of the whole IVF cycle. My biggest problem is that impatient me, had to start peeing on sticks since 3 days after transfer, and everyday there after, up until today which is 7days past transfer, of course still all negative. I am pretty certain that this cycle is a bust and that I have to decide what next? I will get the dreaded blood test Wed the 7th and am not looking forward to it at all.

Day after transfer

I had my transfer yesterday, they transfered 2 blastocysts one grade A, one grade B. I took it easy the rest of the day and layed in bed pretty much the enitre time, believe me I am very antsy and will be the next 2 weeks. By the end of the day today they should be hatching out of their shell and implanting by the end of the day tommorrow. I was afraid to even get up after the transfer especially when Hubby asked if they could fall out!LOL We were told they were already inside the uterus and you dont need to worry about the falling out part:) But I need to take it easy the next two weeks to help the implantation process. Well all is done and all we can do is wait and pray.

Transfer

Transfer is scheduled to be on Thursday. I will not know until tommorrow what time it will be. I am anxiously awaiting the return of two of my perfect little embies ,to be inside of my womb. The thought of it all is a little overwhelming.

Retrieval Update

Well, retrieval went great. I dont remember a thing, they give you some really good drugs during the procedure. I know I had the procedure, because I am in some pain today, still not as bad as I had thought it would be. They retrieved 14 eggs, out of those 14, 12 were mature. I am so happy with this news, out of the 12 that were mature all 12 fertilized:) So we will be putting 2 of the embies back in either Tuesday or Thursday, hoping to find out tommorrow.

Updating

Yes, it's been a while since I have updated. I have been extremely busy with needles, ultrasounds, and bloodwork! What Fun! Well tommorrow morning I go in for my egg retrieval and have to be there@ 7:45am. From the last ultrasound on Thursday it looks like they should be able to get at least 12eggs I am crossing my fingers on that one. I just hope and pray some of the embies will make to the freezing stage for a later cycle,incase this one does not work. I try not to be pessimistic but I have to be realistic. Odds are against you that the very first IVF cycle will work. My transfer will either be on Tuesday or Thursday of next week. I will update on how many eggs they get tommorrow.

STIMS started

Well I went in for my Lupron evaluation yesterday to do bloodwork and an ultrasound. This was to be sure that the medication Lupron and the birth control pills had suppressed my ovaries enough to begin the STIM shots. I got the call from the nurse and she said all was good and to start my STIMS last night (Monday), they will see me again on Thursday for another Ultrasound and more bloodwork, to be sure the dosage is not to low or to high, and that my ovaries are becoming stimulated now by the meds. My nurse says we should be ready for the retrieval as early as next Friday, the 19th. The transfer will fall on either the 22nd or 24th as long as all goes well and I dont have to stimulate with the meds longer, I am crossing my fingers. I just really want to get this cycle over with I am so done with the shots it's not even funny. I will give myself a million more if I was guaranteed a BFP on a pregnancy test! Going to bed now will update on Thursday.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

Have you ever wished that you could go to sleep and wake up like a month later? Well I am so wishing I could do that. This week being my first week on meds has been dragging by. I thought once the injections started that time would fly but it feels like its on standstill. Work is so slow and boring right now that being in the office for 7hrs feels like 18. I hate feeling this way, bored, restless, helpless, tired, irritable, and did I say BORED!!!! DH has been working his ass off lately, works 10hrs a day at his regular job and has picked up 2 cleaning accounts for our business at night, so he is not home until around 1:30am and then gets back up at 5:30am and back off he goes. Honestly I dont know how he does it, but he just keeps saying that we need the extra money especially if we end up preggers. I keep thinking yeah and if we dont then what? all that extra work and exhaustion for nothing, is it worth it? I have these mixed emotions right now that just snuck up on me, like maybe IVF wont even work, then what? we have no plan beyond that. Also what if we do get our BFP and then that puts even more strain on us, financially, personally, and what If I dont know what to do with a baby 24hrs a day?LOL What if I cant stand to hear a crying baby all night, Can we say GUILT. That is what I will feel if we have a baby after all this time and I cant even stand to be around them. Anyways enough ramblings for the night, I'll be back later.

One down and many more to go!

Well 1st shot down, it was pretty easy and did not hurt much, just a little pinch. Unfortunately
I will have many more shots to go this month, probably close to 50-100 or so, not happy about it:( I wish I could just take this whole month off of work just to relax and stay positive, but of course we have to work and make the dough to pay for this procedure, so wha,wha,wha to me.
Well I'll be updating soon, my life is pretty dull at this time so I wont be posting everyday, would'nt want to put anyone to sleep!LOL

Just updating

Ok so our internet has been out a few days and just got fixed today, thank goodness. I feel like I have been out of the loop from my groups and from keeping this site updated. Not much going on but anxiously awaiting tommorrow morning for my first injection. Never did I think I would say I was happy to be giving myself a shot, but if the outcome is positve from the IVF all the shots in the world would be worth it. This weekend has been pretty hectic at work, just got home and winding down, I guess I will update tommorrow.

Meds Came

Well so the meds came yesterday and now it all just seems to real. They are a little overwhelming to look at and I just hope I dont freak at the 1st shot.
8 days until the shots begin, from there I have heard the whole process flys by after that, then the dreaded 2 week wait. Feeling pretty good about the cycle and just anxious to get it done!

Getting very anxious!

Well today is the 21st of September, in 10 days I will take my 1st injection for my 1st IVF cycle. I am having so many mixed emotions, I have never been so excited about something in my life, and at the same time so nervous. I am so afraid that after all is said and done, no matter how much $$ is spent, how good all of the tests look, and no matter how perfect the embies are, I will still get the dreaded phone call from the Doctor saying, "Danielle I am soo sorry to tell you this but your test shows that you did not conceive this month" My next thought would be, well now what am I supposed to do. $13,000 total paid that we had to take a 2nd mortgage out for and I still dont have the right to be a mother. What did I ever do in my life that was so bad that I dont deserve to be a MOM? I have raised my Lil Sister since she was 8 and me and my DH have full custody of her. Our Mother lives nearby and is doing well now, but had a lot of psycological issues in the past, I just wanted to give Kayla a stable home and that we did. So now the question is when is it my turn? She is now in high school, has always been an honor roll student, very well liked and behaved, so we have done something right. God now I ask of you to please give us our own child to raise and love and make our life more complete. IVF is something I would of never even thought about last year and now am so thankful that is an option.